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Learning to love yourself isn't easy — especially if you grew up in an environment that involved abuse, neglect, shame or an emotionally dishonest atmosphere. Most people who experience self-love have had it planted as a seed by someone who accepted them unconditionally at a very early phase in their development. But even those fortunate enough to have had this experience, come to find that self-love must continue to evolve as the diversity of life’s experiences are faced. For those of us who have not had the seed of self-love planted . . . all is not lost! Self-love is our natural state. We can find our way back to our rightful state of being. Self-love is who and what we are — it is merely hidden by learned patterns of disallowing love. Learning new patterns of allowing love involves an awareness of what self-love is, and then practicing certain skills, self-affirming thoughts, and actions that lead to greater joy. Self-love is not so much a feeling as it is an absence of self-doubt and self-disapproval. It is a sense of balance and belonging. Respect, responsibility for self, and feeling good are important values. Self-love means that your well-being matters to yourself unconditionally and in practical terms. The following are some characteristics of self-loving people: Self loving people tend to treat themselves well. They see fun and enjoyment as a primary goal most of the time. They do not remain in mistreatment by others. They are caring towards others. (Because it feels good to do so). They put themselves first. (Even those they love are a “close second.”) They find a thought that feels good, and practice it. BASIC PRINCIPLES OF SELF LOVE Who we are is more important than what we are. We are valuable. Nothing can change that. What we want always matters. USING THE MIRROR 1. Mirror, mirror on the wall ... Notice how you feel in your body as you say "I love you." Notice what you see: Other people tend to see either themselves as “parts” (too wide hips, fat stomach, big nose, pretty hair, etc.). They tend to see aspects of their appearance, which they like or dislike, not the whole of themselves. 2. The Sudden Mirror . . .When you accidentally see your reflection in a storefront window, what is your immediate reaction? If you met this person on the street, would you LIKE them? SELF LOVE CHECKLIST ____ I do things which nurture, strengthen and comfort my body. ____ I accept my vulnerable feelings like sadness, fear, and mistakes. ____ I’m responsible to bring myself back to a state of feeling good. ____ I look in the mirror and notice my whole being. ____ I comfort myself with positive thoughts. ____ I recognize my achievements. ____ I use healthy activities (exercise, hobbies, friendships) when I need comfort. ____ I share my true feelings with others. ____ I express my anger in healthy ways. ____ I assert my needs and ask for what I want. ____ I recognize and value my need for solitude and alone time. ____ I recognize and value my need for fun and lightheartedness. ____ I am generous with praise towards myself. ____ When I make errors, I am responsible instead of guilty. ____ When I make errors, I forgive myself. ____ I pursue and maintain friendships with others. QUESTIONS TO GUIDE US BACK INTO SELF-LOVE Do I use my intuition with myself? When I feel emotional, do I explore deeper to understand what I would need to feel better? Do I give myself what I need to feel better? Am I kind to myself? What is good in my life? What in my life do I most enjoy? What stimulates me? What’s missing in my life - and what can I do about it? What can I do to add more joy into my life? Do I follow through doing what I say I am going to do? What do I think? What is my preference? What can I do to feel happier right now? Copyright 2005, Dr. Annette Colby, all rights reserved. Article Index: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
Advice Home Business Technology Online Advertising Motivational Internet Marketing SEO Help Online Games Science Articles Happiness More Articles:1. 10 Survival Strategies to Overcoming Adversity and Being Happy By Linda Furiate If one thing is for certain, each of us will experience some form of adversity while we are still breathing on this Earth. Unfortunately, some of us will experience more than our fair share of adversity, either in the workplace or in our personal lives.Over the years, I feel I have been fortunate to experience unpleasant and often times, life-altering situations. Although at times I find it difficult to sustain a positive attitude while working… 2. Why Can't I Stop Beating Myself Up? By Patricia Zerman No matter how hard you try sometimes it seems impossible to stop that restless chatterbox called a mind - doesn’t it? Especially at a time like this, with Christmas right around the corner when there are presents to buy, places to go and people to see. The mental lists are endless and there is never enough time in the week.When things don't turn out as you planned, judgmental clatter passes through your head like cars on the freeway. It's con… 3. Happiness Is In Our Own Hands By John Watson Other people can bring tremendous happiness to our lives but we cannot rely on them alone for happiness. Clinging to people because we think our happiness depends on them can have a disastrous effect on any relationship.Our happiness, ultimately, is our own responsibility and not someone else's.Trisha Goddard runs a kind of Oprah solve your problems discussion group on UK TV. One of her guests, Sarah, aged 25, was worried that her younger boyfr… 4. You Can’t See Your Own Eyes By Helaine Iris My friend called me this morning from her favorite coffee shop. She was taking a break from work. I sensed frustration in her voice. Something clearly was on her mind. After a few minutes of small talk I invited her to tell me what was going on.She took a deep breath and told me that she was once again, dissatisfied with her job, and for that matter – her life.This information, or should I say complaint, wasn’t new news. If I were a betting wom… |