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Learning to love yourself isn't easy — especially if you grew up in an environment that involved abuse, neglect, shame or an emotionally dishonest atmosphere. Most people who experience self-love have had it planted as a seed by someone who accepted them unconditionally at a very early phase in their development. But even those fortunate enough to have had this experience, come to find that self-love must continue to evolve as the diversity of life’s experiences are faced. For those of us who have not had the seed of self-love planted . . . all is not lost! Self-love is our natural state. We can find our way back to our rightful state of being. Self-love is who and what we are — it is merely hidden by learned patterns of disallowing love. Learning new patterns of allowing love involves an awareness of what self-love is, and then practicing certain skills, self-affirming thoughts, and actions that lead to greater joy. Self-love is not so much a feeling as it is an absence of self-doubt and self-disapproval. It is a sense of balance and belonging. Respect, responsibility for self, and feeling good are important values. Self-love means that your well-being matters to yourself unconditionally and in practical terms. The following are some characteristics of self-loving people: Self loving people tend to treat themselves well. They see fun and enjoyment as a primary goal most of the time. They do not remain in mistreatment by others. They are caring towards others. (Because it feels good to do so). They put themselves first. (Even those they love are a “close second.”) They find a thought that feels good, and practice it. BASIC PRINCIPLES OF SELF LOVE Who we are is more important than what we are. We are valuable. Nothing can change that. What we want always matters. USING THE MIRROR 1. Mirror, mirror on the wall ... Notice how you feel in your body as you say "I love you." Notice what you see: Other people tend to see either themselves as “parts” (too wide hips, fat stomach, big nose, pretty hair, etc.). They tend to see aspects of their appearance, which they like or dislike, not the whole of themselves. 2. The Sudden Mirror . . .When you accidentally see your reflection in a storefront window, what is your immediate reaction? If you met this person on the street, would you LIKE them? SELF LOVE CHECKLIST ____ I do things which nurture, strengthen and comfort my body. ____ I accept my vulnerable feelings like sadness, fear, and mistakes. ____ I’m responsible to bring myself back to a state of feeling good. ____ I look in the mirror and notice my whole being. ____ I comfort myself with positive thoughts. ____ I recognize my achievements. ____ I use healthy activities (exercise, hobbies, friendships) when I need comfort. ____ I share my true feelings with others. ____ I express my anger in healthy ways. ____ I assert my needs and ask for what I want. ____ I recognize and value my need for solitude and alone time. ____ I recognize and value my need for fun and lightheartedness. ____ I am generous with praise towards myself. ____ When I make errors, I am responsible instead of guilty. ____ When I make errors, I forgive myself. ____ I pursue and maintain friendships with others. QUESTIONS TO GUIDE US BACK INTO SELF-LOVE Do I use my intuition with myself? When I feel emotional, do I explore deeper to understand what I would need to feel better? Do I give myself what I need to feel better? Am I kind to myself? What is good in my life? What in my life do I most enjoy? What stimulates me? What’s missing in my life - and what can I do about it? What can I do to add more joy into my life? Do I follow through doing what I say I am going to do? What do I think? What is my preference? What can I do to feel happier right now? Copyright 2005, Dr. Annette Colby, all rights reserved. Article Index: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
Advice Home Business Technology Online Advertising Motivational Internet Marketing SEO Help Online Games Science Articles Happiness More Articles:1. Keys to Happiness By Lorraine Cohen “Happiness is the whole aim and end of human existence” - Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony” - Mahatma GandhiUnderlying the reasons why clients have come to me over the years is the desire for happiness. What is happiness? Conventional wisdom often defines happiness as status, financial security, worldly goods, possessions, lifestyle, accomplishments etc. I have me… 2. Uncovering Your Joy: Using a Personal Journal to Discover a Life Filled with Happiness By Patti Testerman Author Tristine Rainer wrote “Happiness within a diary has less to do with the events you encounter in life than with the way you experience the process of living.” Because a diary mirrors how you perceive and deal with events, it can be used for developing the capacity to more fully experience joy.Do you use your journal only for problem-solving, dark days, sorrowful feelings, or depressive thoughts? If so, why not start recording the happin… 3. The Secret to Staying Centered and Happy in a Troubled World By Junod Etienne Many of us are probably so used to crisis in the world that it has become a natural part of our mental scenery. We’ve grown accustomed to living in a world where acts of bitter conflict, unrest, and inhumanity are everyday things, and their constant contradiction with our essential values almost seems normal.But are we really aware of the effect that these daily messages have on our minds and attitudes, on our inner life? How do we deal with ou… 4. The Underestimated Power of Kindness By Steve Brunkhorst It was a bright Saturday morning in the late fall. I had stopped at a cafe' to enjoy a cup of coffee and scan the morning newspaper. Suddenly, I felt a hand on the back of my jacket and heard someone say, "Hey Steve! How ya doin'?"Looking up, I saw a boy wearing a mechanic's uniform worn by employees of the gasoline station next to the cafe'. He looked familiar, but, at first, I was unable to recall where we had met.He also held a cup of coffee… |